so here we go… the real reason i am a white KNight/trol/out for justice and everything in-between
I have Autism (but you all know that)
I have been homless for a time because…
The UK does not give a toss anymore
Everyone i have ever met has broken major promises:
My biological parents broke their promise when they decided to have a kid… and then give me up…
MY adoptive fateher broke his promises every day of my life
My wife broke her promise when she left me for my best friend
My RL friends broke their promises whent hey died first (long story i wont ever get into!)
the government…
The UN…
Hell… even the devs (we will always self-publish… we will give a six month warning… we will do X…Y…Z… we will always be sandbox)
ETC ETC ETC - its enough and i am exhausted of live because of it
The entire bloomin world…
I have seen 100s of DR’s (because autism)
i have had every medication i can possibally have (for autism and depression)
i have beenn institutionalised
i have tried everything (yes even suiciced)
And guess what? I am still a feking freak… i hate it… i am an outcast… and the worst oof all of it???
THIS IS WHO I AM and it will never change (i dont know how to)
i mean the point is… its not exactly Boundless at all… its my etire life… i am screaming inside… i have tried everything… i have no friends left (due to wars… 9/11… accidents etc)
I have no idea how to make myself better/happy/ or anything
this is why i sit on my chair 18 + hours a day… because i have tried everything else
If only i could change and etc… if only i could heal myself… i can do reiki for X sake and it works
So… and i know this is generally far too personal and no one really cares about it because no one wants to read this on a game forum or anywhere else… i am just stuck in my own life
Dont worry about it
I was just hopeing (in a way) the devs or whoever would lock my forum account so i cannot have a chance to be myself (the Over opinionated white knight troll who annoys peoples) - i don’t know if i can remove it myself or if i could would it mess with my copy of boundless?
Basically as i said in the other post… i honestly do not know how to turn it off (as much as it may not bother you guys… i know it is bothering @james because i have a pm from him - which i just have not read yet because i am affraid of what it says )
ok the pm was discussing something else lol -
The end point is… i do love this game… i love the dev team (James himself has been very understanding of me and others over the years) - its just it s almost impossible for me (as you can see) to seperate my personal from everything else
It’s hard to find words to cheer you up after all that’s happened to you.
I just want to let you know that you never annoyed me and that every conversation with you was always constructive and that I want that you stay with us.
I really hope you’ll find your way.
i mean … everyone i have known in real life has left me… all i have are the friends (no offence in that) that i play games with…
MEaning we can’t exactly hang out… or etc… and eventually we will all move on (does everyone really expect that people from WoW will still be talking in 30+ years? etc lol)
i know how it sounds and i would not blame you (chip of shoulder or w/e) and so i will now try to shhh until release and hopefully i can forget about all the XXX of everything
I mean i will do my best to shut up unless i have something good/balanced to say (no white Knighting etc)
From one person with an ASD to another… it could be worse. You could be a neuro-typical. I mean, geez do those guys ever make life hard for themselves with their million different shades of grey etc etc ;).
I can’t really give you good advice in dealing with it, because I definitely haven’t figured that bit out either. At least not to my satisfaction.
One thing I can say though: If you’re finding it that hard to keep personal stuff separate from other things, then stop trying. Be exactly who you are, say what you think, and don’t worry about the consequences. Trying to fit in and be normal was the worst part of my life. When I realised that as long as I thought that I was saying/doing was right and was open to considering other peoples opinions but not to be ruled by them… that’s when my life got better.
I’m sure I’ve annoyed people both in RL and here with my more forthright opinions on things they don’t agree with. And I absolutely don’t care. If people can only tell me that I am wrong, but not why I’m wrong to think the way that I do, they maybe I’m not.
Lol. It just looks like I do it (reasonably) well because because I get to hide behind the wall that is ‘the internet’. If anyone were to meet up with me in real life… well, honestly I probably wouldn’t show. Not because I hadn’t intended to, but because dealing with people face to face is my biggest difficulty. Probably to the point that I’d never agree to it in the first place because I wouldn’t want to promise to do something I couldn’t be sure I could stick to.
Well, I suppose I also take forever to finish writing a post that I’m happy with, and then re-reading it to make sure says what I really think. And then editing it a bit. And then posting. And then realising that while making edits, I managed to make it worse because now it’s missing words, or they’re in the wrong order or etc etc.
)