Coming across as grumpy

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Someone who I care for and respect and appreciate their concern DM’d me and asked if I was okay, I seemed to be a bit grumpier, seemed distracted, very repetive in my posts.

I have been going through some major health issues, the pain management was working, somewhat, and then the doctor goes that since I have less pain it was a success and didn’t need to see her any more.

Less pain is NOT a success when I am still in pain the majority of time. When I can’t stand on my feet for more than 10 minutes at a time, when I still can’t make bread, do home canning, can’t even sleep in my bed with my husband all night because I am in so much pain I can’t sleep.

I no longer think of death as a escape for the pain, but I do feel depressed a lot, I feel useless as my hubby has to do dishes, laundry, shopping, house cleaning as I can’t do anything yet am told that I’m better now. I’m not better, I just don’t cry as much because I am in so much pain I want to die from it. We all have our pain level thresholds, what to me is unbearable to another might not be, but what I feel is important to me, sorry, but I can’t go well you can deal with it so I need to tough it, you don’t know what I feel, I don’t know what you feel, for all you know I could be having as much pain or even more than you. So, you deal with your pain, I’m not going to put you down and tell you to quit whining, which I have heard from others. I lost over 30 lbs in three months from Oct to first of Jan because I had no desire to eat, forced myself at times to eat even half a can of soup.

Anyhow, as you can see, my temper is more apt to get out of control, I’m more likely to snarl when before I wasn’t as quick, tried to see both sides of issues. Before I was at times able to play for two or three hours and block it, but now, it has shifted to different areas and most times when I do play, it may be two hours, it is more likely one hour, sometimes even less.

I’m saying this so those who go, sheesh, why is she so B*t%TC#H@Y? That is why, I could be in pain and not realize how contrary, grumpy or negative I am sounding, so please, forgive my grumpiness, being contrary at times as I don’t mean to be like that. Hubby loves me and knows that is not my normal manner so over looks it, 39 years of marriage and he still puts up with me, he deserves a medal. :slight_smile:

Even had a couple guild members, nicely go, Janna, be nice now, LOL when they know I am responding and am in pain and so may be a bit more testy than usual.

As for pain meds, the state of Oh and WV do not allow doctors any more to prescribe anything more than Tylenol #3, which is a very low dosage when I should be taking a lot stronger medication.

I’ll try to be more understanding, around the end of Sept I will be seeing a new pain management doctor, but that is for a consultation, so it will be at least a month before treatment will start, maybe two months and then there is no guarantee it will work, last visit it was worse, not better, almost back to original pain levels.

Again, sorry to be so nasty at times, I’ll try to do better at my attitude and be more fair.

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I hope you do better some day, bud. Definitely easy for pain and meds to change someone’s mood here and there, but it tends to even out after a while with most meds. I’m very glad to see you have such a long-time husband that’s more than willing to be supportive as it should be. <3

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Love ya my friend, always here for ya… :slight_smile:

And yeah, a huge ditto on the pain meds thing… yikes, could I rant about that for hours, with what my husband has gone through on that front. Pain absolutely can transform a person, and now, here in the US, pendulum has swung from one extreme to the other. Can’t do ANYTHING in moderation and with a degree of common sense, can we? :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

When you care about a person, you know that the behavior under severe pain isn’t normal, and you give understanding… and you listen and believe the person. I wish there was more I could do, but I’m always here for you or any who want to talk… like I said, this is something I could go on for hours about, but if nothing else, always a sympathetic ear (or eye I guess) here. I do deal with some physical pain too, but nothing like on the level of that, and even then sometimes my headaches and all just make me want to hide away and transform my mood.

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One more thing - Knowledge is power. Arm yourself with knowledge before that appointment (this goes for anybody here in your shoes - that is why I’m not PM’ing you this one, others may need this too) so that you are prepared to give a rebuttal to doctors fed the lies that extremist quacks like this Dr. Kolodny (media loves to quote him, I want to throw something at the screen every time I see his name) are spewing when they try to take you off your effective pain management or refuse you needed treatment -

This site has a ton of good articles, really. I can always point to more resources if needed.

Obviously I might be pushing it a bit even for OT here. Apologies if so mods, and feel free to delete. As you can see, just an issue I feel VERY strongly about as I live with the fallout from it and see the suffering it causes.

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Hi Janna, we have never met but I pesonally know how you feel! Constant pain is devastating.
I am happy to hear you have a loving and supportive husband and friends who understand on some level.
People who have never experienced it just do not comprehend the effort it takes just to carry on.
Thank you! You are very brave and very strong to put yourself out there and explain your situation.
Sending lots of love and strength and light :pray::rainbow::tulip::green_heart:

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Never really understood myself how bad it was for people with chronic pain, I knew they were hurting and it was bad, but to hurt so bad you wanted to die and even went to where you would take your life, just didn’t understand that part.

Until I was in so much pain and almost no pain meds. Tylenol #3, which is extra strength Tylenol with 5mgs of codeine, and that isn’t much. I was given 15 mg of codeine when I had surgery on my shoulder and I took only half of the pill.

But when my back went out, it was the worst pain I have ever felt and what makes it even worse is that the pain never goes totally away. It might drop some, but never a time I wasn’t in pain. I planned my means of ending my life, if something couldn’t be done and I had to live with it, I couldn’t, I knew that there would come a time when it would win. The only thing that kept me going was my husband and son who love me and were there for me. And GOD, He gave me strength at the worst times, otherwise I know I would be dead.

When l I walked into the doctor’s office to discuss what to do, he took a look at my face and realized it was the real thing, I was in a lot of pain. Then he doubled the pain med, the max he is allowed by law.

It is better, but I want to do what I used to do, make homemade bread, do home canning, do some sewing, help with the garden we used to have. Go for a drive out in the country, I can’t even ride in the car three miles to go to Wal-Mart, let alone walk in the store.

Pain management gave me some relief, it went from constant pain to where I would have at times a couple hours a day of relief, on good days a bit more and on bad days no relief. But the level was lower, It would go from the level 8 to level 4 and with the pain meds down to a level one, which was nothing, I can ignore up to level 3; above that and it can start to become too much, depending on how long.

Today is a bad day, so there will be no playing BL for me, most of the day has been spent in the recliner with the heat pad and, well, tissue paper (I’ve shed a few tears today).

I think people should talk about it, it helps to know you aren’t alone, to let others know and feel their support, their caring when they post. It gives strength that many don’t realize it is there to help them, you are not alone, someone is there to give you the emotional support, the sense of it is okay to cry, to express your anger at life, at situations that caused you to be this way. It does help, so I wish those here who also suffer would share and know that they are not alone and it doesn’t make you weak to say I’m hurting today.

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Hugs… :hugs: I wish I could give you one for real. I am so, so sorry. :frowning:

You are right, it is important to talk about these things, to know you are not alone. And that all voices be heard, especially when there are so many now - whether their intentions are good or not - who are taking actions that will do us serious or even fatal harm. I remember an author I read, forget the title, but dealing with what pain patients and their families go through. He stated how pain patients are basically the pariahs of the medical world now. Few doctors want to deal with them. The ones who want to help are scared of getting in trouble (the ones who take the worst cases draw literal armed raids by the feds sometimes, simply by virtue of them having the type of patients that make their prescription rates higher), others think all are junkies or just want to shift the burden to someone else. Add on top of that the life disruption - might not be able to work or enjoy previous activities. Families often fall apart - not everybody is as understanding as your husband or how I am with Dan. When an existence becomes so miserable, and with no more enjoyment, really, can anybody blame a person for seeking an end to it? Under such circumstances, it could be deemed rational.

I know I saw a study that showed that forced tapering resulted not in less abuse, but in more suicide. I’ll just leave this out here too, though it is a painful read-

I know suffering, though mine is mental. That is bad enough. I’ve been in some bad spots and can’t rule out being there again… so, I would certainly be the last to condemn another for wishing out of misery. In my own case, I don’t think there is any greater meaning than what we create for ourselves (though I certainly could be wrong and I respect others’ feelings!), so in my case, I try to find that through bringing the happiness to others that I cannot bring to myself. That, an enjoyment of nature, and escape into games… really, escapism, that is how I find my moments of happiness. And why I’m so grateful for my games! :wink: But then I see what others are going through, and I realize that it could be much worse for me… I see what physical pain has done to so many people, from the closest in my life to those I just know in passing.

As I said, anybody ever wants a nonjudgmental person to just listen, I’m always willing to listen and respond.

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